julia | On November 5, 2012

Ebook Deal of the Day: $2.99 “9 Keys You Must Master to be a Miserable Asshole” by Dennis Waller

 

Genre: Humor, Comedy, Entertainment

NEW EXPANDED EDITION
 
This has to be Dennis Waller’s best work ever! I never laugh as hard as I did while reading this book. It’s George Carlin meets Wayne Dyer over a bottle of 30 year old Scotch. It’s refreshing to read what other Self Help Gurus only think about. Dennis has the balls to write what needs to be read and I thank him for that. This book is a MUST read for everyone who deals with miserable assholes. I am going to be giving these books away as gifts to everyone I know that has to put up with assholes. I can’t wait to see the sequel to find out what happens to Seth and Joe. Thanks Dennis for a brutally honest look at this issue while keeping the humor! You rock!!!- Billy D Hernandez
 
This book is a Satire on Self-Help books in making people better. As a writer of Self-Help books, you can become disillusioned with people really wanting to change that never do. Therefore, I have written this book for all those jerks, assholes and generally speaking, miserable people that are comfortable with where they are at but still dream of changing. This book is for them, to all those Miserable Assholes! 

Now for those who know what a satire is, this book is to ridicule and scorn those into changing by seeing what a mess they really are. This book is an attempt to expose their folly with sarcasm and irony. This really is a Self-Help book, granted, disguised as a parody. Maybe we can shame them into changing, if not then maybe they can use this book to take being a miserable asshole to a whole new level. Either way, this should be a fun ride.
 

…Now arrogance is a little different. It is the foundation for becoming an asshole. The more arrogance you have, the bigger the asshole you can be. I say, be all you can be and go for it! I mean if this is your goal in life, go out and be the biggest asshole you can be! If you are going to be miserable, at least have something to show for it. Just because you do everything else half ass, at least do this right. 

That way when someone walks up to you and calls you an asshole, you can proudly say, “Thank You, Thank You very much! It took a lot of work to become the asshole you see standing in front of you. Thank you for recognizing and acknowledging my hard work!” 

That way when you walk down the street people will turn and say, “Now there goes a real asshole.” Take pride in that, you earned it,,,, you miserable asshole. 

…One morning there was a breakdown in communication between the front office and the warehouse. Seth was called in to settle the dispute. During the ordeal, there was a lot of huffing and puffing with bad words being thrown around. On the way back to the warehouse Seth started to ponder on the events, let’s take a look into Seth’s head to see this over thinking at work, 

” John said he didn’t give a shit about the warehouse but Bob said he did give a shit. And when I told Jose about the problem, he said he wasn’t going to take any shit from John or Bob. Thereafter, Juan said he was going to take a shit and left. 

I don’t understand Bob. Why would anyone want to give a shit? I mean, that’s gross. Really man, think about it. Taking a shit in a bag and giving it to someone just because you want to give a shit? I don’t get it, I am like John, I really wouldn’t want to give a shit. 

The only thing worst than giving a shit would be someone who would a take a shit. Oh My God! Don’t tell me, is Juan going to the front office to take a shit from Bob? Man, that isn’t right, it’s downright sick, I work with a bunch of sick bastards, all they have on their mind is each other’s shit, to hell with it, I am going on break and having another cup of coffee.” 

As you can see, Seth over thought the whole process of thinking about the issue at hand and missed the point completely. This is what being in a state of misery does to you. You are so focused on the shit happening that you miss all the good stuff going on in life. While Seth looks like a decent guy, his mind is filled with shit….